after the turning point

"Ready.

My life right now is defined by the word. Ready. It's as if I am sitting on the brink of the rest of my life, waiting. I'm ready for so many things. I am ready for camp to start. I am ready to try to run it. I am ready to talk about Jesus. I am ready to be done waiting. I am ready to be done with restriction. I am ready to be done planning, for planning can go on forever. I am ready to Go, and Ido. I may fail, but i am ready. I am ready to be reunited with the girl i love. I am ready to be married. I am ready to start school again. I am ready.

I feel as though i have been sitting and waiting. Not waiting in laziness, but waiting nonetheless. I'm through waiting. I hate feeling as though I can't do anything YET. My backpack is on. My load is here. Jesus I am ready to be used by You. You are my King. I am ready for battle.

I am here.
I am ready.
Ready..."

From the third entry in my journal, July 19, 2009

"Jesus was God's perfect helper, as well as God's equal. There is a sacred relationship between the Father and Son that is dimly represented in a marriage covenant."

-shelli

this too shall be made right

there’s a time for peace and there is a time for war
a time to forgive and a time to settle the score
a time for babies to lose their lives
a time for hunger and genocide
this too shall be made right

the weight

i wont run away


though the storm's getting worse


and there's no end in sight...

it is coming...

i think about it for hours at times, and at times i never want to think about it again. i am so pumped for it, but i dread it at the same time. i want it so much, but i am scared by it. i think i know what it will be like, and think i know nothing about it. i've never wanted something so badly in my life, but i want to postpone it and sometimes want it never to happen.

it is full of mystery.
it is full of excitement.
it is full of joys.
it is full of sorrows.
it is too far away.
it is too close.
it will be easier.
it will be harder.
i want it.
i dread it.
it will enable me.
it will hinder me.
it is comforting.
it is nerve-racking.
it is almost here.

it is coming...